i am truly sorry

i need my diary again. nitm to blog about personal feelings and drama

i cnt help it but

whenever someone swears at me on msn, even if its meant to be a joke..I take it as a bad sign then i automatically go quiet. Bad habit i know..but i cnt help it

the truth is

i regret all i the time i spent on you. am i blind? or am i not giving up? you will never ever change. you're way up ahead of yourself and youre stuck between your high expectations that you continue to fail. havent i said enough? idk what to do anymore

Happy Birthday Tejas and Rickie :)

I had the time of my life yesterday lunch. It might seem ordinary and nothing much but to me, it's a moment i could never forget. No we did not kiss :L nor did we hold hands. But we just sat on the oval and talked about the most random but interesting things. Can't wait till this happens again next week :)

p.s sorry for the lag on posts you guise..been occupied with stuff yet again :(

I promise next week there'll be something worth reading. Have a safe and awesome weekend

xjoanne

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAURA DEAR (L)

This might seem childish but

Last night, I felt alone. He wasn’t online but my friends were. I really wanted to talk to them but they were busy. So i went offline real early, turned off my lights and snuggled into bed with my teddy bear. Till then, I realise, I don’t need an online diary or any diary. I just need someone to tell everything to without the hesitation. But that’s the good thing about your teddy bear, even though they can’t reply or give you advice, you know he/she is listening and you don’t have to bottle up your emotions inside.
I was just hugging my bear and talking to it, telling him everything that was in my mind. At the same time i was staring at my ceiling half filled with glow in the dark stars. I would if i could, sleep outside and just watch the stars glow until i fall asleep. And after 60 minutes of just talking, my eyes slowly shut and I laid there asleep.

You find beauty in ordinary things, do not lose this ability

Hi guise (:

Sorry for the lag on posts, been busy yet again. Bad news kinda, i think im gnna blog less and use my diary more. There's just some things I'm not ready to say publicly yet. Hope you have a great week. (L)

day ten; one confession

cbb atm do it tomorrow

day nine; two smileys that describe my life right now

:'(

(L)O(L)

LOL at the second one..if you dont get it, jst imagine my eyes as love heart and my mouth opened in a shocked face (Y)

additional person

dear, ____

Even though you know this one is to you, I hope you're happy with a post all to yourself.

And I'll do this later. Latermasturbator

day eight; three turn ons

uno; smiles

two; amazing personality

ba; ;)

day seven; four turn offs

1. people who smoke/do bad drugs

2. mushroom haircuts - cringe - Butbutbut i understand if your parents are asian. I remember those primary times when all the boys had mushroomheads :L

3. horrid breath

4. if your attitude is like a dickbitch

day six; five people who mean a lot to me

#1 - mum&dad&sisters

#2 - Ann & Mable

#3 - other friends

# 4 - my extended family e.g Julie&Jodie

#5 - _____

day five; six things you wish you'd never done

#one - lied to certain people, i was stupid and probably still am

#two - talked to this guy

#three - pick graphics technology as an elective :@ FREEKINGBORING

#four - this time in year seven when i was stupid and reaaaly unreasonable

#five - confess that i liked you but this was ages ago

#six - added someone on msn

day four; seven things that cross my mind alot

one - my friends, even if they don't have anything bad running around in their life, i think about them alot becos they make up such a big fraction of my life & I wouldn't know who I'd be or what'd i do without them (L)

two - him

three - family, i love them oh so much

four - school, study, homework, tutor, exams; its endless really.

five - my day and how it went. I think about this every night jst before i go to sleep. It's the most busiest time before my mind lays to rest. I think very deep about my day and imagine myself in different people's shoes to how they see me as.

six - TUMBLRTUMBLRTUMBLRTUMBLR 8D

seven - random stuff. what happens here is before i go into the deep think about my day, i usually look up into the stars on my ceiling and open my mind to search through my imagination. Last night, i was thinking of travelling off to a different universe which is impossible but it would be nice to second a thought on that. Just imagine our world. It's preety magical if you really think about it. But what if on a different galaxy theres jst soo much more oomph in it. Kinda like the Avatar world but more mystifying and magical. I'd love that.

day three; eight ways to win my heart

1. honest

2. spontaneous

3. decent looks

4. personality that excites me

5. loving with respect for everyone

6. sweet and charming, i don't mind if he's corny

7. be commited and loving ( get my drift? )

8. be him

day two ; nine things about yourself

number one; i'm not a fan of chocolate

number two; LOVELOVELOVE Harry Potter!

number three; i use to eat flowers, grass and playdough

number four; :L i remember when there was a time my dad was recording me brush my teeth when i was around 3yo. So i got up the chair becos i was soo damn short and began brushing my teeth. After a while, I put my toothbrush in my cup of water and pour it out into the sink. Then i hop down from the chair and run towards the camera and smile (:

If you didn't get the story, basically i swallowed the toothpaste in my mouth

number five; I'm a lucky person. I have no disabilities, no diseases, no allergies whatever, no hayfever, lactose intolerant, asthma, etc. But I have experience very painful accidents. Which includes cutting open my tongue, getting a severe burn on my ankle whilst getting off the wrong side of a motorbike, got an earring stuck in my ear ( like not in the hole but in the meat of my ear ), somehow a bicycle landed ontop of me and my whole stomach was purple. There's more but I don't wanna gross yous out.

number six; My friend from primary was born on the same day as me, same month, same year, same time & same hospital. Thank god it wasn't same mum.

number seven; i fear clowns and little dead girls with long hair

number eight; i love macquarie fields high and the people i see when i go to school

number nine; i'm falling for someone

day one ; ten things i wanna say to ten different people

dear _____ & _____,

All i can say is that, you're amazing and until the sky falls, I'll never ever forget you.

I Love You, and forever will.

dear _____,

I miss you and sometimes you make me do stupid things but that i can cope. Did you know, you can make my frown turn upside down and light up my gloomy day? Talking to you is part of my daily routine and I don't want our friendship to tear down like the others becos honestly, they weren't like you at all. There's a whole bunch of things to say but let's jst limit that. Your bday is coming up and idk if i should get you anything..something small like a card or your favourite, jellybeans. I hope you're having fun @ your friends house atm. I love it how you always know when im appearing offline, it makes it seem you know I'm not feeling okay. But maybe it's jst a coincidence. But after all this, I'm not it and I need to save my heart.

dear ______,

I know you'll never ever read this becos i don't know you that well and you hardly know me but for some reason, I look up to you alot. You're beautiful and I love the way you handle things. I wish I had the courage to talk to you or jst say hi at school but I'm no where near that. I remember when i started Tumblr and I found yours, i was soo excited and jst went through pages and pages of what you posted. I see you at school alot and always have the urge to wave but that would seem kinda weird :L I think there was a time when i asked for your advice on Formspring. Yeah I apologise for being anonymous jst for once :X

dear _______ & _____,

To be honest, I love you guise :L

And since ______ left, i feel like i can tlk to yous anytime without a bad feeling in me. I know it might sound bad but it's the truth. I know i won't ever be able to tell yous this so thats why I'm dedicating one of the 10spots to you two. I hope throughout our highschool years we could talk and hangout more, thatd be soo awesome. Seeyus tomorrow (:

dear _______,

I admit, I was stupid and idiotic and I don't know how many times ive said sorry but for one final time, I feel like i wanna apologise again. What I did was soo unreasonable and I feel terrible and such a bitch. There are times when i think what couldve happen if we were still best friends. And there are times when i wished we could still talk and laugh or whatever. But I don't think that'll happen, I wouldn't have enough guts to say this to you. I remember the time in year 7 when i wasnt feeling so well and you gave me a lollie which made me feel much better. I remember when both of us didn't go to camp so instead we went to school and had a lot of fun. Well at least I did. I know none of thats gnna happen. So anyway, take care.

dear _______,

I wish we were close again. I remember last year where we could tell each other anything and everything. I was in Queensland and you were @ work and we would txt txt txt about stuff. What happened? Did i give up? Or did I jst change into someone else? You were like my brother, now i dont even look up to you.

dear _______,

I love how you're always on top of me. You keep me warm and I can't sleep without you. How you wrap yourself over my body every night. You just make sleeping feel sooo damn good.

...

LOLOL relax your sacks, it's only my blanket ;)

dear ____ _____ ______,

You guys are annoying, please go piss off another group of people.

WE GON LIGHT IT UP, LIKE ITS DYNAMITE

Wooo! I feel so tumblrised (:

FYI, that is an awesomely good thing becos i was feeling incredibly bored this afternoon after peak english. even the internet didnt amuse me. So this is how my day went..

Wokeup, spent like 15mins doing my teeth and 5mins doing my hair.

Went online and tlked to _____& MABLE :D

Got off to go to tutor..my dad has great timing. Whenever hes gnna drive me somewhere, im always right on time. ( my right on time means 15mins before class ) So my dad dropped me off, and as soon as i hopped off, my new friend was wking along the pathway and we jst started tlking and wlking off to tutor. I'm really happy about this becos, I'm not one of those people who make a friend everyday or every week and for me, it's hard to connect with a new person so quickly. Her name's Helen Nguyen, btw. So we went in class and had to write a 2min speech to persuade the audience if the book or the film is better. To me, I don't mind. I love books and i love movies but since i had to set my mind on one, I chose movie.

After that, we went to Baulkam Hills for my sister's new art lessons and while waiting for her, we went shopping @ stockies in Baulkam Hills. My advice, don't ever go there. It is boring.

So went back, picked her up and finally home.

So i went back online and was full fbing and tumblring and msning! Like there was none of that in the arvo but @ night everyone is crazzy! So i went crazy myself and took photos on my photobooth (:

I was gnna blog about something really interesting but i seem to have forgotten.

Damn..this always happens. Meh itll probably pop up again later

Bye for now but not forever ( where did i get that line from? O_O )

GOOODNIGHTT (L)